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برگردان به انگلیسی ساقی قهرمان

This pain belongs to my hand or my hand to this bizarre pain question mark      Skin of my hand is murkier then Ziba’s   It is hairier too      But both Ziba and I have a beauty-mark on our arms    on the outer side and exactly a hand lower then the shoulder-tip      Mine measured with my own hand and Ziba’s with hers      I forgot to write on which of the hands the pain reported itself exclamation mark      Ziba tells me she can’t put me out of her mind even while reading a book      According to her using these exclamation marks means I’m too dumb exclamation mark      Maybe I’m not dumb but I look so much like an exclamation mark with an imaginary dot under my feet      My Doctor says there is a big difference between the right hand and the left when it comes to a creature like this pain      He is right      The difference is more obvious when I’m in a fight      When I strike the first blow with my right I’m sure to win but when I lead with my left I get the shit kicked out of me       I share with Doctor my theory on this     Doctor this pain might have been born with me      I have never trusted my left hook      Ziba says thank god I wasn’t there dummy      I would lose or gain four pounds just as the words came out of your mouth      Unlike me who could use at least sixty seventy extra pounds Ziba is well proportioned        She is voluptuous and all she can think of is  being a model      I say Doctor the pain is not like when it started      First time I had it my heart skipped a beat      Doctor says do you have a history question mark      Ziba sat by my pillow tears larger than her large eyes rolled down her cheeks      She was afraid to touch me      Sobbing she said it’s your stomach poor schmuck       You drink too much damn rotgut      And the same old threat followed comma           If you don’t stop drinking I’ll go lie under the bridge by the terminal and give it away to all comers      Beside the  b e a u t y m a r k this is the only thing we share      As outrageously as I enjoy my booze she looks at life through the window of copulation      She says the way I drink day and night is as bad as her splaying her legs under the terminal bridge where the trash-pickers crack-heads pick-pockets drivers’ boys hang out   letting the whole bunch jump her      Of course I wouldn’t dare talk so shamelessly about her      My precious comma my beautiful Ziba why don’t you speak your own part      Like the times when I’m so drunk that I confuse the walls with the ceilings and you say hey shitface exclamation mark what kind of fun is this question mark what if I go under the terminal bridge spread my legs and let those filthy bums stick it in      until I’m ripped and raw     My hand my hand my hand what can I do with this no good stump of bone I’ve been dragging along for hundreds of years       I say Doctor what do you mean history      Doctor says well things like arthritis or accidents or breaking your neck      Have you had any      No not at all      I say I have no soul and my nerves are frayed dot dot dot      I think I am losing it      Doctor looks at me and bursts out laughing      Ziba calls me crazy cunt      It’s different when girls say crazy cunt      Boys can not say it like that      When girls say crazy cunt you just want to eat them whole     The air gets filthy before a boy blurts out crazy cunt yep comma      She says hey crazy cunt what do you mean you have no soul       Then I pause to get over the thrill I get from this beautiful dialogue and from her big beautiful eyes and her bee-stung lips and I say well I don’t have one          What’s the use of it      You drop dead and every one gets up and calls you the Blessed Soul and Ziba puts her hands over her ears shuts her eyes before I finish my words and shouts get out of here and I don’t know why question mark exclamation mark      Doctor says what kind of pain clutches your heart       Let me explain Doctor       I was lying down watching my favorite comedy show laughing one of those laughs that makes Ziba say This laughter of yours fools not only a moron like me but also the craftiest of women      She says it especially when my bare body is lying on top of her bare body and I’m panting right in her ear      Oh sorry Doctor I shouldn’t have said that      Doctor says who is Ziba      I say I don’t know Doctor maybe she is my wife double exclamation mark      I go on      I was laughing one of those laughs blah blah blah       All of a sudden a patch on the left side of my chest was pulled hard from the inside      A cold claw tried to pull it back out     Sorry Doctor this phrase turned out too romantic      But we must find out what the hell is wrong with me      The pain is like those plastic devices with a string      The ones that thieves stick to a pane of the window and pull and only that part of the glass is cut out      Ziba says did you say all that claptrap to Doctor      I say you little fool didn’t you say that’s how to talk to shrinks      Didn’t you tell me to explain everything      Ziba says Pinocchio became human but you haven’t      Doctor says okay go on      So what if I am not human      Sorry Doctor go on what       telling you about Ziba or about my pain      Doctor laughs gently and says whichever I feel like       Ziba says you should be ashamed you are so ballsy      Very well Doctor      After a couple of minutes my body was stiff and remained taut I couldn’t breathe I couldn’t do a thing      I saw Ziba sitting there looking over my head      I felt my eyes glisten and a few tears roll down      Doctor says and then what       And then it was gone       I remained like that for a few minutes then the pain started slowly in my chest and in my left arm again      I got up and gulped down a Valium      Doctor says why Valium        Why didn’t you take a spoonful of Maalox      Ziba says you see idiot I told you it was your stomach      Doctor you think it’s my stomach too question mark      All the trouble in my relationship with Ziba is in my fucking gut      Can we get rid of it     Doctor laughs comma meaning what do you want me to do      I don’t know Doctor      I’ve heard that lesbians take out their uteruses      Doctor cracks up comma what’s the stomach got to do with the womb      Doctor I’m so used to my pains I think of them as my babies      If the pains are born in this stomach then I don’t want to have a stomach     ooooy aaaaay my hand      BenGay      Ziba where did you put the BenGay      Get rid of the mountain of papers on your desk and you’ll see it      aaay      I found it      Ziba BenGay is awesome      aaaay      I’m feeling funny      I never thought I’d be aroused touching my own left arm      You should buy this gel for the nights you hate me      Make sure you don’t use it internally not in the front and not in your behind       Ziba yells at me      It breaks my heart when she yells    She is yelling at me      You low-life comma you sleazeball don’t write these things down      Okay okay Ziba I’ll put you out of my mind I’ll put every woman out of my mind but first let me write this paragraph    Ziba rubbing BenGay on your skin is like having a drag of a More cigarette    You know how it chills your mouth exclamation mark look at my thin long arm      as if it is only a piece of bone hanging      It’s not like your firm tits or your soft curvy thighs or your plump calves      Ziba on those nights you don’t want me think of me as a tube of BenGay      put some in the palms of your hands and rub it on your chest your stomach your bum      Make sure the salve doesn’t get in      Enough enough asshole      Yessir yessir Ziba don’t yell      Help me Doctor this pain is killing me      Doctor says how long have you been having the pain      It’s been a long time Doctor      It’s not a pain      It’s piercing into the bone of my left arm      Like      like shrapnel      Ziba says have you been hit by shrapnel      No but Doctor’s sun-burned face comma his cropped hair and his salt and pepper mustache comma his untimely aging comma like snow in the middle of autumn      What’s more    his left hand seems to be limp      Doctor it’s as if a piece of shrapnel’s stuck in the bone in my arm when I move my hand it hurts      How do you know how it feels if you’ve never been hit by it      Doctor says have you been hit by shrapnel question mark         No         but Ziba     I have a feeling our Doctor was hit by shrapnel in his left arm during the war eight years ago      He was probably assigned to one of the MASH Units right behind the front lines      They sent him a wireless and said Doctor for the sake of the Innocent Imam Hosein it’s the Karbala Unit calling    The kids of Zahra Unit have been shredded to pieces under enemy fire      Our Doctor left the hospital in the nurse’s hands and jumped in the Jeep and rushed to the front      Are you listening to me Ziba      It’s not only this Doctor Ziba      I have a feeling that everyone I see is a war hero      Ziba forget his white uniform for one second forget him sitting behind his desk      Imagine that mud-splattered patrol in the heart of the desert under the burning sun      That’s shrapnel exploding all around him      It’s not so simple Ziba      It’s blistering hot inside his Jeep      His heart is pounding inside its cage his throat is dry    Look how sweat glistens on his forehead and on the sides of his neck      Do you see Ziba      Yeah I see your gibberish handwriting      Don’t tease me Ziba      Well comma yes darling I see      Oh god I am dying of joy      Ziba hugs me caresses me kisses me      Alright now that you can picture it listen to this     Our Doctor was muttering panting his mouth open his fearful eyes darting his leery heart pounding violently      He was thinking dot dot dot what a fool I am what a fool I am      But Ziba there is another voice that can not be heard can not be distinguished      This voice says nothing it is not there at all but even so it’s all he can think of      Ziba our Doctor is determined to go forth      You must believe him      No let’s believe him together      You know our war was full of sentimentalities      Doctor says how did you get to war stories from the pain in your hand      Ziba says good for you      You would never think of writing anything of the sort      Let me tell you the rest of it Doctor      I am not concerned with you rushing to the front line comma what I am getting at is my own pain      I am going to illustrate the pain so you see it clearly and get to the bottom of it      When you reached to the front Doctor you saw that it was hell on earth      Dust and smoke and fire and guys like me fallen helter skelter in the trenches on the hillsides all over the place            I know you wished you had no sense of responsibility and could sit down and cry as hard as you wanted      Ziba kiss me please hug me lower your face onto my head while you stand behind my chair I can’t bear to imagine these scenes      You froze where you were for a few seconds then you clutched your medical bag and ran     In the midst of the guns and bombs and tanks and blasts you could still could hear the whimpering and sobbing      But how could you know which one of those bodies was crying         You checked them all one by one          The first one looked safe and sound staring at you           When you turned him over you saw the back of his head wasn’t there something had spilled on the ground didn’t look like the kind of brains we buy at the butcher shop and not like the blood covering the floors of slaughterhouses         Doctor you went out of your mind looking at the hole in his skull          This corpse can not be compared to livestock Doctor   This is a person             Doctor says you’re right exclamation mark          Even on the autopsy table people don’t look like what you’re saying           I am not saying it     It’s the war talking                 Now forget this talk don’t you hear the whimpering       Hurry up       Doctor went to the next one        This one too had fallen on his back eyes shut mouth open and gasping but he had no strength to make the slightest noise         His right hand was pressed over his stomach blood was gurgling out between his fingers          Doctor pulled the hand away and the soldier’s innards spilt out          Oh god     What happened           Where are you going Ziba            Doctor why are you crying          Ziba looks pale her lips quiver       Her neck and the ends of her hair is wet from the water I splashed on her face              Here Doctor     This is a clean handkerchief   You can use it     Wipe your tears       Doctor Ziba puked when she looked at the scene            You      don’t you feel like throwing up Doctor          Doctor says at such times one has no time to puke           At such times  one wishes to grab the globe and throw it hard at the sun             Ziba lets out a long  Ooooh and sobs and in the midst of crying she says if you had been there           Excuse me for one moment Doctor             I hug Ziba and kiss her over and over               Doctor felt suddenly weak     His hand fell open and his medical bag fell right beside the innards             Ziba says crying you’re seeing a Doctor for the pain in your hand now what is this you’re talking about          Doctor have you ever again felt your breath burning as hot as it did then question mark           Have you ever again cried words out of your chest with no particular meaning with no particular reason question mark            Doctor gives me back my handkerchief and says what does that have to do with the pain in your hand           I scream a lot Doctor             Isn’t that right Ziba                 When the pain is too much to bear and the booze is not helping I scream Doctor             Tell him Ziba         Doctor these screams are the best painkillers I’ve ever used               Ziba wipes her tears with the back of her hand               She says yes comma for these painkillers of yours I must suck up to every living soul in the neighbourhood and tell them sorry sorry he is sick                Doctor says poor Missus Ziba comma the things she goes through for you question mark question mark           You fainted and after a little while Doctor you came to             All your muscles were tensed            Your eyes had popped open and your jaw was locked        You looked around for something anything           You went for the gun that was on the embankment         Ziba says for god’s sake stop it don’t write these things down      The pain in my hand is fading            You cocked the hammer and then you shrieked           First you only shrieked         But when you started running up the embankment you cried God is the Greatest     God is the Greatest          Doctor you were crying God is the Greatest do you remember question mark             Ziba Doctor ran down the other side of the embankment          He even forgot to put the gun on automatic             He only pulled the trigger five or maybe six times      Then the horrible sound of a blast and then dust all over and Doctor hit the ground and then a terrible burning spread down his left arm             Ziba is about to begin crying and she whimpers he died       No Ziba I was with him           We are talking about some eight years ago                 Your eyes Doctor were heavy from the smoke and you cried only once God is the Greatest     Ziba Doctor can not do anything for my hand this pain I swear to god will be the death of me            Doctor says have you been in the war     Are you shell-shocked or something              No Doctor I am too young to have been in that war                  Ziba says he probably thinks you lost someone in the war          Well he said it too Ziba         I say Doctor I don’t have anything to lose in a war Doctor not even myself                  Ziba says idiot you don’t even know how to talk                     Doctor only sighs           He says do you want a prescription     Do you want a repeat on the old one             anti-depressant Exazpam       with aluminium LG or something like that          I say they don’t help me Doctor        Ziba yells at me how the hell do you know they don’t help you fart           Ziba not in front of Doctor comma watch your language         Doctor says cut down on the smoking and booze as much as you can                and don’t think too much              Ziba Doctor is not telling us anything we don’t already know         Let’s not play Doctor and stuff          This pain is mine nothing cures it              I pull on Ziba’s red tank top and there stands Ziba in only her blue shorts and her white bra          I push my head into her bra onto her big firm breasts             Ziba presses my head down and plays with my hair pants whispers let me take these off               I press my tongue between her tits and pull myself up         Ziba takes a long breath and leans on her left hand and throws her head back          Her right hand is behind my head pressing it to her chest            When my tongue slides up her neck and reaches her chin she lowers her face to my face comma breath to breath           She is pushing my head so my lower lip falls in her mouth            I say Ziba if I was like the first guy at the front your hand would sink in my skull now        Ziba screams and jumps back and cowers in the corner       Doctor Ziba with her bra and her shorts is bent over in the corner her head covered her hands pressed on her knees she whimpers so quietly             Whatever I do she doesn’t let me near her      My hand hurts so much more what can I do Doctor question mark                Doctor yells at me why did you have to say such thing                    I didn’t mean anything bad Doctor comma                Give me back my Ziba Doctor             You know how she is feeling now               Doctor yells at me            I know Doctor      A woman bearing the heavy weight of a man’s bare body          Under pressure comma pressure of pleasure comma women are not like men            Their lovemaking is all climax     All of a sudden her hand sinks into his empty sticky skull dot dot dot           I know it was my fault Doctor             But maybe the guy whose skull was gutted had a Ziba like my Ziba           Maybe after all these years now his Ziba sleeps with another man       In the middle of the night her nude body under the weight of the man’s nude body           She puts her hand in his hair and presses him to her to get more pleasure       Then suddenly she thinks for one second about the gutted skull           Doctor          Doctor yells at me why are you raving like that            Another woman      maybe     it’s       none of your business         Doctor I know Doctor dot dot dot           I don’t know why I am embarrassed to say the things I want to say            Right when Ziba matters most right when I am pressing her to me this home becomes a mound of rubble full of flying bullets      Ziba jumps from the corner and hugs me crying           Her lips on mine she says again and again don’t say it        I won’t say it      Yes don’t say it          Then she takes off her bra             cups her breasts  and kneels in front of me             Crying hard her eyes swollen from crying she says come I am all yours       Think of only me     See only me          I must see only Ziba      I must feel only the joy of her naked body           But Doctor   when my head slowly sinks in the mound of her breasts the house becomes one of those ruined houses in the war zone         Ziba becomes a girl with no clothes passed out on a heap of bricks and iron columns            The stunning bulging breasts become a bloodied hole pierced with a spear head             Doctor grasps my hand in his        He hugs me     He begs me          Doctor says Ziba is a beautiful girl          The most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen           No man can ever have such pleasure as you have           Enjoy your life with her         This life is yours to enjoy           I stare into her eyes now so much more beautiful filled with tears              I open the buttons on her shorts             Like children who have been crying for hours her breathing hitches         She holds on to my shoulders and gently pushes me down on the ground        And just the way I like it she pulls with effort her shorts and her underwear off because she is a bit chubby down there          Then she lies by my side and hugs me and turns towards me       She pulls me up             Doctor is right no other man has felt a breath as hot as Ziba’s fragrant panting            No other man can feel smoothness and firmness like I do when she caresses all over my body        No man’s backbone feels the cool pleasure like I do when Ziba wraps her legs ’round my waist and presses hard      Ziba is getting out of hand          She is not panting she is calling out             She has reached there is waiting for me so she can have her orgasm         So she can give herself to my kisses and float in the space between sleep and wakefulness        But Doctor   in that ruined house how many more like my dick have been in that hole where mine is now          Doctor you don’t know      This hole in Ziba’s body which is now the source of all the pleasures in the world was once on that day in the rubble the most painful spot in the world        Doctor Ziba died of those pains of those pleasures           Ziba is bawling          She is hugging me from behind and resting her head on my shoulder          What do you think Doctor    Is she crying because I have left her without making her come or because of that pain I was talking about                     Doctor says it’s neither of them        He says it’s because of the pain in your hand which makes you scream like that                      Doctor would you do me a favour                   I can’t do it myself               The pain in my hand is not important comma forget about it             But I can only survive if I am so drunk I confuse the walls with the ceilings          Doctor I want to drink morning til night night til morning comma I have no other choice              You tell Ziba she can go under the bridge at the terminal and do what she said she’d do           And again like all other nights Ziba dragged her beautiful bare body to the fridge and stepped on her own tears fallen on the ground                   She got out the bottle of booze and                     Here Doctor      Let’s have a few together                Doctor says how is your hand                Not very good Doctor comma  doesn’t matter        Doctor says eat a lot of food when you drink and don’t drink too much              Only enough to help you sleep               Ziba with her face full of laughter        I don’t know how she knows that the red of the tank top and the blue of the shorts she is wearing is the color of laughter question mark                  She presses her face full of laughter to my face and says to Doctor if he doesn’t do what you’ve told him I swear I’ll fuck him up Doctor    and whispers in my ear I’ll go under the bridge at the terminal and give it to anyone who passes by          My heart stops             It’s so much like her    She might really get up and do it         Ziba breaks out laughing          Doctor laughs quietly            I lift my glass and promise to do nothing to make Ziba get mad at me and do what she said she’d do            Here is to Ziba’s health Doctor full stop

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